The DJ Got Me Callin' the Cops

So we're all young. We make decisions that are, well, questionable. But I guess that happens to everyone. Any who I am the kind of girl who likes to go out and have fun, so when my friend asked me if I wanted to go to her birthday party of course my answer was "Yes." So we spent the whole day together picking up things that we needed for the party. Then we got to the scene of the party and relaxed for a but then we got ready and before we knew it the party was on. The DJ was there getting the music equipment set up, people were showing up with booze and everyone was dressed and ready for a good time. So the DJ blasted some really lame techno music that really wasn't anything that you want to listen to, at least I didn't enjoy the music. It all had the same basic beat and it just wasn't upbeat and happy making. So I threw back a few drinks and loosened up and relaxed around all the new people. I mean I don't mind big groups, but some of these people seemed to, well, to judge way more than they are entitled to. So I got the booze pumping through me and I'm dancing and talking to people and having an all around good time.


About half way through the party I'd had way too much to drink so I was relaxing with some of my good pals and some of my new found buddies, one who happened to be the DJ. The DJ was a major creep. He hung around me like, I don't what the hell he was like but I should have known that something was a little off about him. I mean the way he was dancing and the way he walked around like he was in some other world should have sent red flags up all over the place in my head. So we make our way back to the party area and I requested a song that I really wanted to hear so that I could dance. So Mr. DJ went and found the song and came over to tell me that he was going to play it. At this point all my friends were around me making sure I wasn't getting myself into drunken trouble. The minute they looked away DJ Super Creep decides that he's going to try to kiss me!!! I mean what the hell dude really. I tried to back away from him but he kept coming toward me,luckily my best friend was there and she pulled him off me and told him that he needed to go the other way, away from me. She and my two other friends decided that it was a good time for us to go to be so we headed to or sleep place. On our way there DJ Super Creep tried to cut me off but I had my bestie there to keep him from getting to me. She pissed him off, and the night was saved. We all went to sleep shortly after and woke up not hung over.

Needless to say, I don't like certain kinds of male DJs.

World of Warcraft: Who's the Tank?

So the other day I was hanging out at my boyfriends house. We were sitting there watching "The Community" and "House" which are two really good shows. And then he wanted me to watch some youtube videos. First you have to understand my boyfriend is an avid WoW (World of Warcraft for those of you who don't know) player and I play on occasion to (I have a level 19 Blood Elf Rogue). Any who, so we're at his place watching videos and he shows me this one. You don't have to love WoW or even like it to appreciate this. It's really funny and can be kind of hard to understand. But in the end you will understand. It's not that complicated. But, without further ado.... Enjoy!!!

This is the Beginning

So it is February 1st and it just so happens that it is a Tuesday. This means that I got up this morning and went for a run... And it was the worst. I ran two blocks. I didn't sprint it, I jogged, and for the most part it was OK. The only thing that went wrong was the breathing. I was out of breath and it made me think about how I need to make sure that I am healthy. I hate the sound of always working out. I don't want to be a total meat head and I'm not doing it to impress anyone. It's not because I want to be skinny, it's because I want to be healthy and not run the risk of having some stupid disease when I get older because I didn't take good care of myself now. I mean the whole skinny thing is just an bonus but what it comes down to is simply this: Do I want to live for a long time or do I want to die at the age of 50 because of heart failure that I could have prevented. Just food for thought there.


Any way I noticed that this has become something like a journal and all I've been telling is of the struggles. Well I want to talk about something kind of happier so that all 6 of my readers don't get too bored and stop reading (if they haven't already). So as some of you may know my adopted mom runs a daycare. It can be one of the most fun things in the world. We have one child, Tyler, and he is one of the most subdued children that I know. He has what we call a "duh" face. He walks around with no facial expression. I love this kid to death, he is my minion. So lately I have been trying to get him to smile or at least have some sort of other facial expression. So I will make animal noises and make faces at him and he will smile the biggest smile ever. And he giggles. This makes me so happy to know that he is open to changing his facial expression. Now.... I am going to get him to talk.

When You Care This Much

One thing about me that most people don't know about me is how much I actually care. Most people view me as a narcissistic bitch who cares but more about herself and personal gain than I actually do about others, and I'm not like that. The reason most people don't know how much I truly care is because I try my best to show it without really showing it. I know that I should show things better but the thing is that I care so much so easily that its not really worth letting other people know just how much of a hold that they can have on me. I know that in one way it sounds just completely... I don't know what word I'm looking for but, well, I know. Any who, I find myself caring more for people than I intend for most of the time. I also hate it when there is something that I believe that I love so much that I wouldn't be able to live without and I find that I can actually live without, because then I realize that I just didn't want to lose it. But I guess it's better to be wanted then needed at least that's the way that I see things.

Lately I have been having some problems with one of my best friends and I thought that I would never be able to live without her seeing how she'd helped me through some of my more difficult times. But with all the fighting and what not I feel as though I could get along in my life and I don't like that. I mean, she knows how much I care about her and how much she means to me but she chooses to do the things that she knows is only going to push me away. I want to want her in my life I just can't find it in me to really do that because I feel that if I keep her so close to me that I will only continue to get hurt by her. And it's not like it's being hurt by a friend it's like the sister that you always got along with suddenly tells you that she absolutely hates you and that she never wants anything to do with you and she means it. It is a hurt so deep that it is as bad as physical pain. I don't what to do about it some days and then there are times when I think about just making the situation better and kissing and making up but just when go to do it, when I go to move my mouth to say the words that could make it all better I get a pain that shoots through me like I have a dagger stuck in my jaw and it is killing me to move my mouth. I don't understand how I could care this much and yet have it seem to make no difference to her.


Then there is my other best friend. And I love her dearly. But sometimes I don't know what to do with her. I mean I like her for who she is but sometimes I'm afraid that she is more fragile than she'd like to be and I'm afraid to say this to her because I don't know how she would react to it. I know that she has her problems and I want to help her with them and she wont let me help her and I don't know what to do. I hate sitting by and watching her suffer and no do the things that she wants to do because she is afraid or whatever her reasons are. I feel so useless and she seems to be afraid to tell me what I can do to help her. I ask myself over and over again what I could do to help her through what she is going through. I can never come up the right answer. How can I care this much and not know what to do?

Wow-zers

So I'm sitting here at my computer listing to Panic at the Disco whilst my two dearest best friends are doing something on the bed. Hey! It's OK ones a boy and ones a girl and for even better measure they're dating and I'm pretty sure that whatever it is they are doing isn't sexual, but I guess you all will never know for sure :P I don't I think that I was fair in my last post. I was feeling bad because literally minutes before I typed the damned thing I'd found out that I'd gained weight which did not please me in the least bit. But to make things even better (not sarcastic in the least bit, I swear!) just as I'd hit the "post" button my mom handed the phone and who was on the other line but a person who wanted me to have a job interview with them. That was really funny. And I have been working on the whole "dieting" thing. I mean I actually go to sleep at my set time so that I get a good amount of sleep and I wake up and make a good lunch and I eat it at a good time and I'm trying to do all the right things. Tonight we are starting to walk and it is going to be a nightly thing and I will be getting up to run on the weekends STARTING THIS WEEKEND! I swear we are. And I might go on Tuesdays and Thursdays and then do Saturdays and Sundays so that I am running four days a week. Yay for me. Any who, one of my head phones came out and I don't like what I heard, they were arguing about body fat. They are so strange. I would love to tell you all some stories but I don't think that they are important and very inappropriate. One of these days something will be clean enough for me to post...

Alright I'm done I got to work on the post that I was working on for my other blog. I'll link it to you crazies one day. Live long and prosper.

Here's How Things Go

So basically my life isn't too horribly wrong at this point. I think there are only to things that I can rightfully complain about and that's not having a job (though I am searching very hard) and not having my own place (but I have a place to stay with a loving family). I know that life can't be perfect but I'm totally cool with that because I find the perfection in all the imperfections.

Anyway, my best friend and I are getting along great. I mean lately there have been things that have been bothering me but doesn't that happen to everyone? It's not like I don't do things that don't bother her. Plus, we're all humans and therefore we are going to make mistakes and that's totally cool with me. Most of my mistakes have led me to something greater that I knew that I wouldn't have gotten without making those mistake. But I have also learned from those mistakes. Back on track, we have our little things that are off to the other but we don't try to kill each other about it ya know, so that's good.

My family situation is good. I mean I hardly talk to my grandmother and at this point it's a good thing. I mean I love her, no doubt about that, it's just that I don't like the way that she treats me.I mean I am not a child and I am not a full adult either but that doesn't mean that I am completely incompetent and can't do anything for myself. She has a way that she wants me to live and I have a way that I want to live for myself and to do what makes me happy, she wants me to do what I want to do as long as she agrees with what I want to do. I haven't really had time to talk much to my mom and sometimes I think that she doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know it's just kinda crazy I guess. And I have forgotten to call my sister but I am going to make sure that I call her this week. I love talking to them. I miss them so much. It really sucks that all my family is back in Michigan and I'm stuck in Oregon and my only blood family is my grandma and it's really annoying.

My boyfriend is... well being himself. He doesn't want to admit to himself that he is cute and sweet... OK well only not the sweet part. And what can I say he is a fun guy to be around. I'm really good that at the most basic level we are friends because my life has gotten a bit more interesting with someone as weird as him in it.

Oh well there is one more thing that I can complain about. My weight. I have gained 3.2 pounds and it has been driving me crazy since I found out. But I am going to go on the crazy thing (not really a diet, just more like me trying to get my damn life in order) and lose some of this weight. I mean I have two weddings that I am going to coming up and I want to look my best. Mostly I want to look really good when I go to see my family so that I can be like "see I'm doing good, I can take care of myself." It's not something to throw in their face it's to just make myself feel better. But I also want to be healthier. I want to live a better, more healthy life so that I wont become one of those people who have to get wheeled out of their house because they are too fat. So I am entering on a new adventure in my life on this crazy adventure to become a more healthy person. So I have to change my eating habits, get more exercise ;) and actually have a good sleep pattern because that can mess things up for you big time. So her I am at weight 172, with in 5 months I hope to be not that much... at least in the 40s if not the 30s. Well now I have to get ready to go to an appointment. Woot.. not.

Admit it, I'm Awesome and so Are You (Pretty=Perfect?)

You know lately I've noticed that so many people have been putting others down. And for what reason? I can't find one. I have been trying to not put people down and instead I turn on myself and I put myself down. Now most people who know me know that I am typically a narcissistic bitch. But that's the way that I like it. There are not many people that I will let see to the core of me. But I wake up daily and I sometimes have to put on this facade of being purely amazing and making everyone think that I totally love myself and that I think that the world should revolve around me, but that's not true all the time. Sometime I wake up and I look at myself in the mirror and all I think is how ugly I am or how stupid I am and things of that sort. Sometimes I think that it would be better for everyone if I just disappeared and no one ever saw me again. I push past that and I put on my facade. I have done this for so long that I am beginning to believe that I am amazing and that I am the best and I think that the world should revolve around me. And when this seems to my truth I realize that it really is. I mean who the hell is anyone to tell me that I'm not amazing or that I'm not pretty or any other thing that will make me feel better about myself.

This also goes to people around me think that they are perfect and that drives me mad! What makes you perfect? I think that just because you are a cheerleader and everyone thinks that you're so pretty that you are perfect. These kind of people drive me absolutely insane. I mean really, I'm not just saying this. I know that I am not the best looking person ever, and I really do believe that every person is beautiful in their own way. And this is where perfection comes in. I find perfection in the imperfections of everyone. I mean if we were all perfect and made no mistakes then things wouldn't really be worth wanting to do it. Ever. So just because you messed up on the lyrics on a song, you hit the wrong note, you dressed a little different, or any of the things that people look at and they say that you are imperfect, tell them to kiss your ass. You are perfect just like everyone else. Maybe not in the Utopian from of perfect but there is something there that makes you perfect and you are perfectly yourself and if you can't take it from me to be perfect listen to this song, watch this video, and think about it. It doesn't take everyone's view of perfect to make you perfect.