Life Update

Hey. I know I haven't been on here to let people read the random bits that come from my brain. Well I'm back and I have a lot of simply my life to tell you about.

So most recently I found out that my 10 year old brother is depressed. Yeah. 10. Clinically depressed. He's seeing a psychologist and a therapist. I was heart broken when I found out what was the pushing factor in him having to go see these doctors. It started off with him acting out in school. Typical kid stuff that most write off as part of growing up. He would walk out of class and just do things that he knew that he wasn't supposed to be doing. When I would call and talk to him he would tell me that he was sad that I wasn't at home(living with my mother, he, and my two other brothers). I felt bad that I wasn't there. He missed me and he wanted me to be there for him. I kept telling that it wouldn't be long until I get there (I plan on visiting home for my sister's wedding). I thought that this was all just him being a kid. But then one day he tried to strangle himself. It was an attempt to end his life. He didn't know that its harder to strangle yourself than other ways out. He did this a school. My mother was forced to take him to a therapist to find out what was wrong and it turns out that he is depressed. It's only a matter of time before my brother becomes a zombie. They will put him on a bunch of pills and he will just not be himself. I believe that you do not need to be medicated in order to get over something like that. But that's they way that the system handles things. But I guess it will work for some time and then the pills will have no effect on him. I hope that he will be able to be happy on his own and not in a drug induced happiness that's not really worth anything.

Then there is my boyfriend. He and I have been fighting. A lot. Its the hardest thing for me. This relationship was supposed to mean nothing to me. For me it was supposed to be a physical relationship with someone who would be a good friend. But things changed and for some crazy reason I started to fall for this guy. Great. And now we're having our first fight and it's not like the petty fights that people have as their first fight. It's much deeper than that. But I know that things will work out for the best in the end.

Then there's everything else. The fear of failing classes the fear of failing at life. Though I'm working through most of these things they are still there. But I know that I will figure things out. I always do.