At a loss

What am I supposed to do? I try and try and it seems like everything just turns out wrong. Lie. Not everything. Somethings are okay. Or at least they seem okay. I just want to see if I can get a little happier but that doesn't seem to be the thing that everyone else wants. But this is my life it's about what I want right? Wrong. I actually care about some of the people in my life and it seems like I've done nothing but piss off one of the most important people. I want to fix it. I really do but it doesn't seem that way because I don't know what you want from me. Everyone seems to have their little slice of Heaven that they can call when ever they want and then they're fine. I just want to find that for me but it seems in going down that path I have lost sight of the one that I am going to need. The one that I do need. It's a curious thought as to why I left that path to begin with is it not? It's quite simple to me, but that's just me. I didn't know how to exist on that path. I tried and it worked for a certain period of time. But then something happened. I was on that path with someone and that person kept me company. We talked, we kept each other heading in the right direction and then what. Was I the cause for me to stray from that path? Possibly, probably. But you also strayed from the path as well. Only you got back on it sort of. I just seem to be having trouble finding. I do know what to do to get back on this path.

Enough with the pretty words. You stopped talking to me. I stopped talking to you. It became easier that way. As long as I could see you I knew that I would be okay. But that wasn't the case for you. What the hell is that you want me to do? I honestly have no freaking clue! You want me to talk to you but you ask me at the most inconvenient times: When there are people around, when I'm trying to find the right words so that I don't piss you off and have you go off on me. When I try to come to you, you distract me with funny videos or I just don't know how to talk and when I say I don't know you yell at me that I don't talk to you. But I'm trying. I just can't do it without having some sort of incline as to what you want. You want me to fix this, you said you're done trying with me. What am I to do. I can't even come to you because you don't even want to be in a room alone with me long enough for me to say what it is that I have to say. I just want to tell you and only you things, is that wrong of me? To want only you to know. I thought you would be the one that was always there the one who would listen to what I had to say un-judging. I'm at a loss but if this is the way that you want it then so be it. I don't want to force you to like me, to be in my life. I'll leave if you want. And if you want me gone then let me know, and I'll leave.