Act IV: Playing Stupid

Most people want to prove to others how smart they are. They flaunt their knowledge, they go out of their way to show others that they can do something. Then there are the people who don't care either way what people think. Then there are people like me who makes an effort to let people think that they are stupid.

Why on earth would someone do that?

The reason I did it: I didn't want to deal with people. I figured that if I played stupid I would be the pretty friend that everyone would want to be around so that they could have a smile when things got bad. I had a lot of problems of my own that i was dealing with, I thought that the best I could do was send someone over the edge: instead of talking them out of suicide, I would talk them into it or actually talking someone into killing someone, of course these wouldn't have been my intentions but I always feared that that would happen if I tried to help.

Lately I have dealt with most of my problems. I have found ways to overcome them or to get rid of them. And I have been showing that I really am bright, but people think that this is untrue.

You might assume that I am pissed at everyone who still thinks that I am stupid, that the stupid act that I put on for everyone is the real me. But in actuality I have no one to be mad at but myself: I am the one who led people to believe that I was stupid. Instead of giving actual answers to people I would just giggle and smile and say something that didn't make sense and then people would drop things. Yeah people would come to me with relationship problems and I would help them with that, but when someone was talking to me about something that was possibly life altering I would give them a cute little smile and a blank look and two sentences in they would stop talking because they figured that I had nothing to offer to them. To anyone I pulled this little trick with: I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I just wasn't willing to help because I was afraid of making things worse and the best way to get you to not be upset with me was to play stupid.

I've dropped the blond routine and I've went back to the intelligent person that I truly am and yet I have people who look at me like I'm just a pretty face putting together a bunch of big words that I probably don't know the meaning to. This might surprise some people but I actually know some "big words." I used to read the dictionary and I would find a word from every letter of the dictionary and make it a point to learn that word. Sometimes I would learn two words at once. And if I don't know a word I look it up and I learn the definition so that i know what people are talking about. I used to get board and just do random research on things that were big problems in the world so that I could have a clue about what was going on and have an educated opinion and not just pretend like i knew what I was talking about. I guess I need to start that again.

I guess I have a lot of work to put in if I want people to believe that I am smart. I need to actually show my intelligence. I won't let people think that I'm stupid anymore. I just can't do that to myself anymore or ever do that to myself again.