There are three words that can change any relationship: I Love You. But most of the time these words are said, in my opinion, prematurely. I'm mean really, most people who are in "love" with have only known this person up-close for about two seconds, because they just now decided to start talking to you after not recognizing your existence for the longest time. You think that you know this person but in actually you really don't, you know what they want other people to know or what other people have said about this person. So you finally start dating this person and two months into the relationship, you've gone on maybe one or two actual dates and you've hung out a few times and you are out celebrating this "big moment" in the relationship and you look at this person and you say those three words, I love you. The look on your partner's face is one of... I love my pet rock, too. They say the words back only because they know that's what you want to hear. You know somewhere in the back of your mind that something is off but you ignore it.
But there are times that are better than the intentional speaking of these words, it's when they slip because they, at one point, were routine to say before you hung up the phone or after you kissed someone goodbye. You and your partner are on the phone and have just made plans to meet at some restaurant, and you finalize the plans and now comes the goodbye part. It usually goes a little something like this:
"Alright, I'll see you there at seven."
"OK, see you then."
"Alright, love you bye."
"Yeah, me too, bye."
Or you may skip the part of them saying the words back because you realized that you'd said them, so in a panic you quickly hang up the phone. So then you go to this dinner and you're sitting at the table and so far nothing has been mentioned of these words, but of course at some point they are brought up. I see it like this:
"So did you mean it?"
"Mean what?"
"That you love me?"
"Umm.."
And at this point you're not sure what to say. So there is an awkward silence and then you fill it in with something that you think makes sense.
Anyway the point to this is that usually you're not really in love with this person. What you are feeling is lust. You can't really love the actual person without knowing them, and you can't know nearly enough about people in two months, it's just not possible. So before you speak those words make sure that you mean them and that you're not just saying them because your partner said them or your friends say that you should or you feel like you should without actually feeling that way.
*I really think the title of this would make a great song title... I don't know why, just a random thought I had.
I agree with your post to a degree. I don't know about the idea of love being interpreted as strictly lust. A lot of people I see in those situations can't even begin to think about the idea of having sexual relations. I think perhaps "twitterpated" is a definite.
ReplyDeleteMostly good points. It seems, sadly, however, that most people don't even know what love is. Because, let's face it, how can you love somebody if you don't know what love is? It's like saying you're really into taxidermy when nobody's taken the time to explain it to you or show you how to deal with anthrax. ANTHRAX!
Anyway, goodly jobly.
I'm not saying that all love is lust. I have been in a relationship with my newest boyfriend for two months and with what I believe love to be,or what I know of love (or even pretend to know), I know that I'm not in love with him. I love him on a strictly platonic way. I am in love with the idea of what we are. We're not what everyone expects us to be. I mean if you look and he and I separately you would say that it was highly unlikely that our to different looking people would ever be together, and then you put the two of us together and you think that we are the strangest couple with me being so full of energy and out going and I love to be around people and out in nature and around people and he would rather stay in the house and not be out in nature (By out in nature I mean like camping and what not). But then to just look at what's on the outside you would look at us and go "What the hell is going on there." And then Everyone has and idea of what love is, it varies from person to person though no one knows for sure what we are.
ReplyDeleteOkay...I don't know why you have this idea that everybody ELSE thinks that you two should be/look a certain way. Honestly, I highly doubt that anyone gives a shit.
ReplyDeleteI mean, it's not that weird for opposites to hook up. I belive there's a saying about that (opposites attract), I mean, seriously, look at Vika and me.
Most couples in fact, ARE quite different and opposite. Isn't that a lot of what makes a relationship work, the opportunity for discovery? It would so seem that that is more possible when the two subjects in question are rather individual from the other.
And well, GOOD that you realize you're not in love with him. Who the hell would expect ANYBODY to "be in love" after two months. It took Vika and me TWO YEARS to even acknowledge that we should even BE together, let alone love each other.
And again, it is important to even know what love is. Honestly, it's pretty simple. From what I've noticed, people make it way more complex than it needs to be. It's simple, yes, but sure as hell not easy.